My Polar Opposite Friend, being the polar opposite of me that he is, rejoined the online dating world after things didn't work out with his last girlfriend he met on Match. I applauded him for jumping in again so quickly, especially since I still stubbornly refuse to dip my toe in that community. Like many others, he seems to approach it as a numbers game - the more people you meet, the better chance you have of finding the right one.
He met a few of these women on casual dates but no one seemed to be jumping out at him. Until he met a certain lawyer chick from the south bay - someone who was mellow and intelligent, with a lovely voice and pretty face. And then he didn't care about meeting anyone else. He just wanted to see her again. He couldn't wait more than two days to call her and accidentally woke her up one night. He called again the next night and left a message, waiting to hear back. She didn't call back that night or the next night or the night after that. He emailed her and she didn't reply. So that was that. Time to suck it up and move on. No harm, no foul.
"But she's a lawyer. Maybe she's been buried under paperwork and had deadlines," I told him after the first night. "Maybe she's out of town. Or never got your voicemail. Technology isn't so reliable," I kept saying.
Then I realized that Polar Opposite didn't need to hear this from me. He's already over it and moving on. Not much you can do when someone you're interested in doesn't share the same feeling. My shabby attempts at comfort are things I would tell myself or want to hear so I can keep up the delusions of hope. This is how I hold on for a year too long, pining and hoping, making excuses until I'm up against a wall, facing the cold harsh truth.
Since internet dating is something that Polar Opposite masterfully navigates, easily brushing off setbacks, I'm going to go out on a limb here and figure it's something that I will suck at. With each bad connection and unrequited interest (even at an emailing level), it'll just render me more jaded and untrusting, more disappointed in guys. OR, I could just stop caring and become a cold cynical ho who starts sleeping around. Both outcomes - not so good.
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2 comments:
I don't understand the "being a quitter" part of your title ...
... but I also have trouble with the idea of treating dating like a numbers game. It's way too methodical.
Well, I figure you can see it either way. Either you're being a quitter by giving up too soon or you're playing it safe by cutting your losses early before investing too much emotion in it. I'm not so good at being a quitter or cutting my losses early enough. :P
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