Chest Deep in the Mid Thirties

It's my last day of being 33 and I spent more than half of it NOT working. heh heh... Unfortunately I also spent half of 33 being cursed with an undiagnosed illness which hopefully will be diagnosed next week when I'm 34. Huzzah.

I decided to pamper myself with an overpriced pedicure today but already managed to ruin it by stubbing my toe two minutes into shuffling around at home. That's me, Miss Twinkletoes.

The BF is also now unemployed, as today was his last day of work. He's napping soundly right now after weeks of long hours. At least we're going to Disneyland tomorrow! Wheeeee.....

All in all, a pretty quiet birthday eve thus far. I will continue to navel gaze and reflect on 33 and ponder what life has in store for 34 throughout the week!

Driving Encounters

As I drove to yet another doctor's appointment this morning, I was stuck behind this behemoth of a vehicle. This Mercedes Sprinter was the height of two sedans stacked on top of one another, but the length was still about van sized. I kept wondering how it doesn't just tip right over every time it makes a turn. Dumb looking car. It also managed to block my view of everything in front of me, but just short enough to not block out the sun. Grrrr....

Encounters

Most afternoons, you'll find me at coffee houses these days, just so I don't sit at home and stare at the wall for hours. I may be good at not turning on the TV during daytime hours, but for some reason, staring at the wall seems to be ok.

Last week, I stopped by Tanner's Coffee after picking up my car from the mechanic down the street. It was an especially sweltering day and the internet was down at home. An iced latte at a (hopefully) air conditioned coffee house sounded perfect.

Unfortunately, Tanner's declined to turn on the AC and mainly relied on ceiling fans. Hey, at least there's still free wi-fi I thought, as I unpleasantly stuck to their leather couch. And then there was the guy sitting in front of me, with his bare feet propped up on the coffee table as if this were his personal living room. At least I can't smell him and he's not bothering me I thought, as I moved my coffee to the farthest edge of the table away from his feet.

Barefoot guy finally left after half an hour and a pleasant young man sat down instead.
"What do you do?" he asked me, though I had made no eye contact and was staring straight at my computer managing three IM chats at the same time.
Since he did seem like a pleasant young man, I made polite conversation while continuing to type away at my computer. I learned he was of Lebanese descent and an aspiring architect. Nothing screaming Stranger Danger! I continued to go about my business and let the conversation lull.

"You have pretty feet," he suddenly commented. Well that got my attention. I looked up and because manners have been so ingrained into me, I politely thanked him. Then made a mental note that actually, I really needed a pedicure and the guy must be blind. Five minutes later, I finished my coffee, peeled myself off the leather couch and bid farewell to the pleasant young man with the foot fetish.

The Never Ending Virus - In Which I've Now Become a Drug Addict

SO, it's been 6 MONTHS since I got that little cold back in March. 5 MONTHS since they diagnosed me with sub acute thyroiditis.
It's never good when your doctor calls you a "medical mystery." It seems that after two weeks of steroids, my thyroid continued to stubbornly be inflamed. That was over a month ago. As a bonus, I suffered from withdrawal symptoms at the end of those two weeks - fever, extreme cold, and nausea for days. Those few days of suffering made that day of taking Vicodin a fun little jaunt in the park.
It was back to the primary care physician who took a look at my even more swollen thyroid, lymph glands and bright red itchy neck and prescribed giant horse pill sized ibuprofen, Zantac to prevent my stomach from bleeding as a result of all that ibuprofen (yikes!) and then a Claritin for the HIVES that were apparently afflicting my neck as a result of all that irritation and inflammation. Does it ever end?
Everything seems to only stifle the pain and some of the inflammation, but nothing is FIXING it. My regular doctor shot down my request to continue with the herbal drinks from the acupuncturist/herbal doctor. However, two weeks of six pills a day did not do the job. Back to the endocrinologist who suggested a higher, longer dose of Prednisone. And a huge promise to taper the dosage down a lot slower so I wouldn't feel like dying when I got off the drugs.
Here I am three weeks later, still on a dose so high that my brain is speedy like a run-on sentence, singing songs, planning my schedule days ahead, worrying about every little minutiae... mainly during the wee hours of 12am-3am when I'd really like to sleep. When I tried to taper down after the first week per the doctor's plan, I could feel it. And then the chest pains started whenever I didn't make sure to have a steady stream of the medicine in my system. An hour late with the pills? Feels like someone punched me in the chest. So now I call every Monday to let him know how I'm doing (nothing changes, glands still swollen!) and he just keeps me on this dose.
I asked him a few weeks ago "What if this just doesn't get better?" Both he and my primary physician never even saw it as an option. "It'll eventually get better. It's just taking a lot longer than normal."
Last week, I decided to be more persistent. "I'm getting very frustrated. It doesn't seem like I'm getting any better no matter what medicine or dosage I'm taking. What happens if it doesn't get better and how long do we do this?"
Again the endocrinologist was not fazed. "We can stay on the Prednisone longer. We can do this for a few more months. The last resort is to remove your thyroid. But since it's surgery, that will be a last resort." This means having to take synthetic hormones for the rest of my life. I'm not really happy with the options.
Here's the kicker. For some reason, they only have Prednisone at a certain dose and only allot a certain amount of pills for each prescription. I'm not sure if it's the pharmacy's policy or my insurance policy. I have to take four pills a day and I need a refill every 2 weeks. Insurance only allows monthly refills. Imagine my displeasure when I went to the pharmacy Monday night to get a refill only to be told I didn't qualify for one until five days later.
All I could think of was how bad the withdrawal had been when I tried to stop taking the steroids at the lowest dose. To suddenly be cut off at the highest dose? Someone might have to die. And it might be me.
Hearing myself tell the pharmacist that I needed these pills tonight and that there would be WITHDRAWAL, felt like a new low in my life. Luckily, the lady took pity on me and called the insurance company to sort it out. And luckily, there was someone with power who still took calls for Blue Shield at 11:30pm on a Monday night to allow me to pick up these pills. When I got home and told the bf what happened, he looked at me sadly and said "Probably didn't help that you had dark circles under your eyes."
After much pressure from the parents and the bf, I'm currently seeking a second opinion. We'll see what happens...

How To Know You're Not Ready For the Next Step

I was uncomfortably navigating the aisles of Babies R Us yesterday, looking for that hilarious Wee Block for a friend's baby shower. All of a sudden, a toddler came rushing toward me, arms waving in the air and yelling like a wild banshee. I looked over and almost ran. Instead, I flinched. As if the kid could hurt me in some way. I couldn't get out of that store fast enough.

Thank goodness there's no pressure for rugrats yet...

My Thoughts Exactly...

I love bunnies. I love cartoons. I love this song. And as for the subject matter, so apropros. Sigh. Enough said.

Things You Don't Think You Need...

Until you actually need them.


This ranks up there as one of the best inventions ever. I haven't personally been sprayed by a wee baby boy, but I've heard stories of those unexpected fountains. Hopefully my cousin will be getting plenty of use/blockage from this cute little gift.

When I showed my brother, he was horrified.
"Dude, if a kid sprayed me while I was changing a diaper, I'd be like, 'I'm OUT! That's it. No mas."
My sentiments exactly.