Stressed Out Evil Basketcase

= Me. The last two weeks I've been so stressed, I got a cyst in my eye, rendering it all red and inflamed, had stomachaches every morning the minute I walked through the door at work, and overall wanted to punch people in the nose more than usual. There seems to be so much to do, so much to wrap up at work and at home before I leave the country in 2 1/2 weeks. This feeling of being continually overwhelmed has stomped out any remnants of the "nice" me and replaced it with a more selfish deranged version of myself.

On Saturday at dinner, The Boy Who Was the One, showed up an hour late, steaming mad and sans fiancee. Apparently, they just had a huge fight and she was still sitting in the car. Everyone didn't know what to say so I asked "aren't you afraid she'll drive off with your car?" Because if it were me, that would be a huge concern and by the way I would so drive off with the car. Luckily he had the keys. He didn't stay for long. He decided, wisely, to drive her back home and meet up with us at the art show later.

What I neglected to mention earlier was that at this dinner, there were supposed to be 6 couples and me. We were seated at a large square table, 3 on each side, perfect for 12. Except I was number 13. So the waiters scrambled to squeeze in a chair on one side so that I had 4 people on my side. Talk about insult to injury. So when The Boy showed up in his predicament and left without staying for dinner, we all had more room. And because I am evil, part of me was filled with glee and I ate quite well afterwards.

After I abruptly bolted at the end of night outside the bar, I felt a teensy bit bad. On Monday, just to make sure I hadn't offended my Vegas friends, I apologized for leaving so quickly without saying goodbye, explaining that I was tired, cold, and worn down by the week. Both were understanding and cool with it marveling at how fast I had disappeared, though she said, "you are more set in your ways than anyone I know." I decided to not take that in a bad way, knowing that yes, I can be stubborn as a mule when it comes to certain things.

What I realized most was that this new impatient evil me? It's a backlash to the person I was. The chump who spent most of her life being too nice and accommodating to everyone, making sure everyone else was happy and comfortable about everything, forsaking my own comfort and happiness in the process. Kind of like sacrificing the welfare of the individual to provide for the greater good of the group. It's me rebelling against me.

I'm sure the pendulum will eventually land somewhere in the middle again when I'm done making it up to my inner id after years of suppression, but for the meantime, I am THAT girl. The one who feels good when people I don't like (or ones who have hurt me) are suffering and miserable. The one who doesn't politely wait for everyone to be finished and ready to go before I leave them behind. The one who has no qualms about staying silent when a person is needed to step up and help out. Nope, as much as I believe in karma, I think I've more than filled my quota for at least this next decade. So watch out people! I WILL mow you down if I have to.