Is it a bad omen for the new year if you start it off crying in bed, fighting with your bf, walking off into the night by yourself in a strange city, and having your first dinner of 2009 by yourself at a restaurant? At least I had a hearty meal and glass of wine at a lovely Italian restaurant down the street. Not to mention a virtual dinner companion via google talk with a friend on my new iphone. See, at least I got an iphone for xmas 2008 and it's definitely good for something, like company at dinner!
This year frightens me more than ever because 1) I plan on giving notice at work this month. 2) I have no idea when and where I'll be working. 3) If we don't kill each other first, the bf and I plan on moving in together sometime this year. Where or when, again I have no idea. 4) I don't when or if I'll get to travel out of the country yet again.
The therapist tells me to only focus on the positive and the best case scenario and it will come. I can see it, especially if I squint really really hard. But deep down, uncertainty scares me the way Freddy Krueger terrorizes people in their sleep. And it's going to take a hell of a lot more than 4 months of therapy to shake that fear.
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