The Layoff (aka Divorcing the No Good, Lying, Cheating SOB That Was The Company)

In the end, my slow departure from The Company unfolded like a soured marriage.

First, there was the crying. Oh god, the nonstop crying and the self-doubt and the whole thinking that I was slowly going crazy, failing as a human being. (See blogs from Sep-Nov 08) It seemed that no matter what I did, it wasn't good enough. I was sinking under the weight of too much work. I pleaded for outside help, and The Company said we know you're under a lot of pressure, yes, we're trying our best. I asked for a break, and The Company said ok, a day, two days? Try a month...

Then, came the realization. There were new people coming in, but they weren't here to help me. WTF? A review came a week later - we don't think this is working out. You seem stressed and don't appear to enjoy your job, they told me. It was a slap to the face and a big fat It's not us, it's you. We still love you and want you around, but maybe at a different capacity - not necessarily LESSER, just different. In other words, you're still head wife and we appreciate your loyalty and experience, however there will be some mistresses coming in to relieve you of some "ahem" duties.

Like a couple with an imminent divorce, still sharing the same house... Trying to play nice until I could come up with a viable Plan B... With the added humiliation of everyone knowing he had cheated on you, giving you those helpless looks of pity. God forbid anyone would have spoken earlier to warn you. It's easier to be an innocent bystander. But is anyone really innocent when they knowingly watch injustice go down and twiddle their thumbs?

The stubbornness kicked in. The Libra in me struggled for fairness. I thought, I'm not leaving till I damn well want to leave, on my terms. Everyday is another day I get paid. Quitting is just what you wanted so I'm not giving it to you.

Stubbornness wears on you. Watching all the oblivious people fawn over your former love wears on you. Most of all, being in a place where you're not wanted or appreciated anymore REALLY wears on you.

Plan B be damned. When I finally had enough, I knew. I confronted The Company with their shenanigans and asked for what was fair - unemployment and severance. I picked the end date. I left on my own terms. The minute it was decided, the weight lifted and I felt better than I had felt for the last 5 months. Ex-Company friends even threw me a "hooray you're free party!"

It's been over two months now and I haven't stepped foot in that house again. I've already forgiven them because I know that I took much more away from the experience than I lost. I grew up at The Company. Had my heart broken. Fell in love. Made life long friends. Grew a spine. Found my voice. Learned to lead. And discovered what I could and could not bear. It was a shame that it ended the way it did but I realize now that only something so utterly unacceptable would have shaken my sense of practicality and loyalty enough to walk out the door. Not only has this chapter ended, the whole book is done. It's time to start a whole new novel.