Wednesday, May 30, 2007

How To Ruin A Hard Rocking Song

I've come to really like Nine Inch Nails since their last album, With Teeth, but unlike many of the artists I work with, I'm definitely not one of those hard core fans who live and breathe their music.



Me: Is this Nine Inch Nails' latest single? Is he saying "I push the button?"
Coworker friend: Yeah, I think so.
Me: You know what that reminds me of? Plucky Duck from Tiny Toons! When he's the baby version in the elevator and going "I want to push da buttons!"
Coworker friend: Haha, I don't think that was the effect he was going for. Oh god! Now I can't ever take this song seriously!

(It's actually a very political song that's likely a commentary on our president.)



Only a tiny glimpse into what goes on in that silly childish brain of mine...

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Movies Appropriate for A Goodbye

For the Memorial Day weekend, not only did I visit tons of friends and shop up a storm, I also went and supported the movie box office by watching not one, but THREE movies at the theater. First there was Pirates of the Caribbean - At World's End, the last of the Pirate trilogy with the ever charming JohnnyDepp and the beautiful, Boy (who was the One)-resembling Orlando Bloom. Unnecessarily long at nearly three hours and headachingly confusing with triple crossing and quadruple crossing protagonists, the movie was fun though not completely satisfying.

To make up for supporting the big budget, somewhat soulless studio film, I paid to see two independent, made on a shoestring type films. The first one was Waitress, starring Keri Russell (she of the heartwrenching heroine Felicity fame). The movie's most known fact, however, was the unfortunate murder of the writer/director/actress Adrienne Shelly last year. All of the actresses were great. And boy did I crave pie. You'll have to watch it and see what I mean. They market the movie as a light romantic comedy but don't be fooled. It's a tiny bit dark and sad even if it is cute overall.

The last movie I saw yesterday was the Irish "modern day musical" film Once . The director and the lead actor were in the band The Frames and all the beautiful music was written and performed by the two lead actors. It's not a musical in the traditional sense of singing and dancing and random breaking out into song. The music's presence actually makes sense as these are two musicians falling in love, getting to know each other, performing and recording their songs.

I enjoyed all the movies for entertainment value, but also because I saw a common theme that I liked. They weren't so much about the "happily ever after" but more about showing how love - being in love or being loved - inspires you to do big things with your life. (You may think it's a stretch but if you watch all of them, see if you'll agree with me.) That is encouraging. It makes me think "I want that. I want to be in love. I want to be inspired." If only I could have just the good parts, the giddy, lost all sanity, think I can fly parts. And not the inspired to run so hard, the physical pain is better than the emotional pain parts. If only.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Hello and Goodbye

Yesterday, I said good bye to The Boy (formerly thought of as the One) in my own way. Tacitly and without any fanfare, without even using the words Good bye. Nearly four years ago, he came into my life and turned it upside down.UBBF calls him a giant pigeon. Someone who flew in, made a giant mess, and then swooped away. If four years could be calling a swooping.

I know I'll still see him once or twice at going away parties and lunches before he actually drives off to the other side of the country with his One. But yesterday was the last moment we'd spend together, just ourselves, taking an afternoon stroll for some coffee and Pinkberry, chatting about everything except what was better left unsaid. How we may never talk to each other or see each other again once he leaves, why I won't stay in touch, won't ask how he's doing, if he's happy with the life he chose, if he's scared or nervous. Most of all, we didn't talk about how much he had meant to me, how he broke me and I had to put myself back together again even though the reassembled pieces have turned out a bit askew.

Later that afternoon, he asked me for my mailing address and I asked if he was going to send me maple syrup or a fuzzy woodland critter from his hometown as my new pet. He replied "yes, I'm sending you a real live groundhog." I gave it to him anyway for lack of credible excuse, wondering if I'll be receiving a wedding invitation soon, or better yet a wedding announcement after the fact. Then I thought to myself, even if I've been dying to visit his hometown, even if it were one of my top places to visit before I actually died, I cannot imagine a worse idea for a trip to take this summer. Luckily, all I'll have to do is check the "regretfully unable to attend" box, wish him good luck, and bid him goodbye. Be careful what you wish for, because you might actually get it. He's sadly, happily, unfortunately, and finally out of my life.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Good Grief Pt 2

The changes. They keep on coming. Yesterday, my beloved brother told me he broke up with his girlfriend of the past EIGHT years. A few weeks ago. AFTER I had emailed her about dropping by this past weekend and giving her some gifts from my trip. AFTER I had even told him I was going to do that. Argh!

Though she and I were never close, I was still puzzled by why she kept insisting that it was ok, I didn't have to drop by, we could wait until the next time we saw each other, which was supposedly when my brother would come home. So when I casually joked to him that "hey your girlfriend seems to be scared of me," and recounted the incident he responded with "oh, we broke up. A couple of weeks ago."

"WHAT?!!!! Why didn't you tell me?!"
"Because I knew you'd freak out. You don't like change."

Sigh. Either I am certifiably nuts and much too fragile for human consumption or the people around me are much too protective. I think with BF, it's more the latter. With my brother, he just thinks I'm a huge hassle to deal with.

When I asked him more about it, he said "You're too nosy. And pushy."
"I'm your sister. You're supposed to tell me these things." Deal with it. I was the one who stood up for him when our mom said he was too young at 19 to date this girl seriously. I was the one who didn't take sides when our mom stopped speaking to him for weeks because he lied about going away for a weekend trip for their first anniversary. I believe I was also the one who told our mom she was being completely ridiculous when she started nitpicking about this girl's height and ethnicity.

I have been bracing myself for them to get engaged within the year once he comes back home. "Well now, you can unbrace yourself." he tells me.
I asked him what changed? And he says "I've grown and realizing more of what I want in someone."
I tell him, "I just want to know what that is, because I'm curious. I've always admired how well you balanced your relationship with everything else."
"Flattery will get you everywhere," he replies.
"You nitwit, I'm not trying to flatter you. I was being sincere."

Brothers. AUGHHHH! I said I'd call him but he decided to go play poker with his buddies instead and wouldn't pick up my call, nor call me back. I wonder how the rest of the family will cope because I'm sure not saying anything. I wonder how she's coping, because so like a guy, he actually thinks she's fine by now. He had been thinking about it for awhile but when I asked if he had discussed his thoughts with her earlier or if he just sprung it on her, he said "uh, more the latter." When I told him that it would likely take her over a year to get over this, he replied "wow, that's a long time." Duh.

So with that, another person out of our lives. I've decided to send her the gifts anyway and not mention the breakup or my lame-ass brother. I've decided that even though I'm disappointed in him in how he handled the breakup, I'm not going to tell him that. And I've also decided that I'm gonna have to figure out some mad coping skills before everyone is afraid to tell me anything. Either that, or I'm going to learn to at least fake it and feign the rock solid exterior of Queen Elizabeth.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Rainbows Make Me Happy

One of my favorite photos from the trip. This is only the second full rainbow I've ever seen. First one is from Kona, Hawaii on the side of this blog. This second one is from Cape Town, South Africa, on our way for brunch on the last day.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Good Grief

As I mentioned before, my best friend is 6 months pregnant. She neglected to tell me this until she was... 6 months pregnant. Partly because she didn't want to tell anyone in her first trimester. Partly because she didn't want to freak me out, since we had been discussing how marriage and kids have caused so many friendships to drift apart.

When I saw her right before I left on my trip, she didn't want to say anything for fear of "ruining my trip." And when she finally told me the week after I got back, she started with the line, "dude, I have some bad news..."

I'm really touched that she's so concerned with my well-being, but I was also stunned and a little sad that she has to worry about not being able to tell me things. Important life changing things.

When I told my mom the news, she of course knew just the right thing to say. "Oh, did she not want to tell you because she was afraid to make you feel bad? Since you're still not dating and you don't have a boyfriend?" And for good measure, she had to repeat it out loud for my dad when he asked why BF had been afraid to tell me. "Oh, she didn't want to say anything because she was afraid to make Whatchamacalit feel bad. Because she's not dating and has no boyfriend." Yup. Mothers. They always know just the right thing to say.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

The First Step Is the Hardest Step

1 day since I finally started running (walking) again at the track with Jigaho and Polar Opposite
1 week since I woke up to the sound of chainsaws in the yard (Landlord decided to have some trees cut down at the crack of dawn. Not a pleasant sound to wake up to)
1 week since my best friend reluctantly confessed that she's 6 months pregnant. Life as we know it will never be the same
1 month since my last post. The longest I've gone without writing. It's been so hard to start back up again
1 month since I've seen Wavy, before we took off for our respective trips
1 year since anyone has captured my eye or stirred any butterflies in my stomach
1 year since I started this blog as an outlet for my sadness and frustrations after dating debacle
1 year since I went to Chicago to visit my brother.
1 more day before another dear work friend packs up and leaves the company. I'm running out of coffee buddies
1 more day before I get to meet up with Wavy and Princess for dinner so we can catch up
1 more week before Boy Who Was the One disappears forever back to the east coast to marry his One, settle down and has a gazillion kids
1 more week till a lovely 3 day weekend. Our first work holiday of the year
1 more month till I go to Chicago again to see my brother graduate
1 more month before my brother comes home to LA for good (I hope)
1 more year before 3 dear friends will celebrate their first mother's day
1 more year before I hopefully can go on my next big trip again