Oh Boy - Part One

It's been a long time coming. I've avoided talking about it because I really didn't know what to say. I'm not one to gush over a boyfriend and make everyone gag. Nor did I want to make this a place where I'd publicly complain about his quirks and our ups and downs. But I guess if I like to write about the stuff in my life, well he's been occupying a big fat chunk of real estate in it.

I was rereading some entries from the latter half of last year, particularly in the summer, and unfortunately, my first thought was to start this entry with "Stupid ass boy, I was so darn happy and angst-less for a good long stretch till he came along."

Oops. That's no good. But this week has been particularly hard. And though 1) this is a serious relationship, 2) it's the first serious relationship I've been in, and 3) it's already the longest I've ever dated anybody, I'm still wondering, how did I get here? How are we ever going to resolve our vast differences considering we are POLAR OPPOSITES on about everything I can possibly think of? We're already averaging what Wavy calls our "state of the union" talks about every other week if not more. And though every single one of my dear girl friends assure me this is normal early relationship stuff and constantly tell me things sound fine, they don't FEEL fine. I am tired. I don't want to continously readjust my expectations lower and lower until I just don't have them anymore or don't care. Nor do I want to be that bitchy demanding girlfriend because I know that doesn't work either.

I was looking at this entry about him and asked myself those questions again.
If I stopped this thing right now, would I be an a-hole? Yes.
If he were to suddenly go away, would I still be ok? No, yes, maybe. I don't know!!!!! Probably not but I'll survive anyway, goddammit!!!!!

Yeah, the tide seemed to have turned at the start of the new year. Suddenly, I was waist deep in this thing and it was capable of causing me to spontaneously burst into tears at times of stress and yuckiness. And naturally, that lovely courting phase where he was super attentive and promised to go to whatever I asked him to came to a standstill. I think perhaps, the icky middle has arrived!