Tool

My boss is a tool. That's the best term I can come up with to describe him. Urban Dictionary has several definitions of tool but I think in order of accuracy, I would have to go with #4, #7, and then #2. On a side note, I also like the term "asstard" as used in #2.

The man is out "sick" one day every other week. At least once a week, he'll come over and ask about something I took care of ages ago and already emailed him about.
"Oh I don't read all my emails," he boldly declares.

"Let's have a QUICK meeting," he always suggests. And more than an hour later, after he continues to talk about the same thing long past my attention span has ceased to function because of the HUNGER PANGS that are attacking me, we are still trapped in the room.

I always start looking for an escape clause.. perhaps another meeting, or a supervisor that needs me to help out on a project, or a very important phone call I have to return. Akin to trying to gnaw off my own leg to escape the bear trap. I even employ other artist friends to peep in the window occasionally to gesture at me, as if something huge needed my attention outside of that now claustrophobic room, especially when it's lunch time.

"Don't ever leave me!" I tell them. "Make up an excuse, come drag me out of there so I can at least go have lunch."

And don't even get me started on how much he piles on extra work on everyone because he thinks everything takes half the time. Then comes in and gives motivational speeches to his burnt out team as we stare at him glassy-eyed and disbelieving.

"Is this guy for real?" we think. And unfortunately, yes he is.