Songs to Fit the Mood

Lately, whenever I was feeling down about the bf I noticed that these two songs would jump out in my playlist.

Sleeper's "What Do I Do Now?"


During the prime of britpop in the 90's, I listened to this in college all the time and every time the story in this song just broke my heart. A fun catchy beat, but underneath it, a sad song about how self doubt and miscommunication can destroy a relationship and lead to regrets. It was also one of the anthem songs for my childhood best friend, dealing with the fallout from her college boyfriend whom I never met but feel like I know so well...

Then there's Sarah McLachlan's "Do What You Have To Do" which captures the end of a relationship, when you're trying to desperately salvage what you can. I loved this album, but never noticed this particular track until Vaj pointed it out to me as one of his favorites.



Wavy threw this one my way the other day and it made me all melancholy. I saw Teitur open for John Mayer years ago and sent his music around to everyone. This one is about the trials and tribulations of a long distance relationship.

Teitur "I Was Just Thinking"

"Wavy," I asked, "do they have a song about two people who really love each other but seem to keep hurting each other and not sure how to make it work?"

"Yes, they have those too," she wisely answered. And now this lovely pop hit is on repeat on my itunes.

Leona Lewis "Bleeding Love"

Just A Girl

Oh demented fairy godmother, I just realized your hand in all of this. I remembered that not so long ago, I used to wish that I were less of the tomboyish sort, less the rational buddy and longed for a boy tough enough to make me feel more like a girl. And, well, of course I got it.

Now, I break into tears if say rose petals start falling to the ground or something equally ridiculous... and I am completely irrational when it comes to the bf. And that bf? Not one bit of metrosexual in him. He's totally a guy's guy. Rough around the edges. Blunt as all hell with no self-censoring mechanism in his head. Tries so hard to pay for everything and take care of me even if he doesn't quite know how. And does all those stupid insensitive things like forgetting to call back, not waiting for me to eat together or watch a film, or forgetting to follow up on plans he suggested.

At the end of the day, it's not all bad. For better or worse, the bf makes me feel like such a girly girl whether he tells me I'm beautiful or when he's making me cry because he did something completely inconsiderate. Many of my guy friends have drifted apart from me now that they have their own wives and girlfriends and that feeling of being "just one of the guys" doesn't happen quite as often anymore. At work, I'm almost positive that everyone sees me as an actual girl and not the tomboy buddy I once was.

As I read through some old entries and texts from the beginning of the relationship, I complained to Wavy about how the bf obviously doesn't try as hard anymore or drop everything including time from work just to see me. "Can you believe you used to call him Captain Attentive?" I asked.

"That, my dear, is a universal problem," replied Wavy. And just like that, I'm now just another girl complaining about a boy and wondering "when did I become like this?"

There Are No Losers

Conversation between the bf and my brother, as he's driving us back home from the airport after the Seattle trip.

BF: "Oh I taught your sister how to play hacky sack today up in Seattle."
Brother: "Cool. How do you play?"
BF: "You just kick this little bean bag ball up in the air and pass it around in the circle."
Brother: " How do you win?"
BF: "Uh, you don't really win. The goal is just to have everyone in the circle be able to touch it at least once without letting it hit the ground."
Brother: "I don't get it. There's no winning? There's no winner?"
Me: (Laughing) "Not every game has to be a competition!"
Brother: "Then how do you decide who loses? I can't comprehend this."