Plants

My cute little eggling plants, amazingly alive and flourishing! Well, except maybe that little one to the left which only has one leaf thingy. It's supposed to be a petunia or some kind of flower or another. The other two are basil and thyme. Thyme is getting a bit out of hand. Thank goodness it's small.

Plants and I usually don't coexist well. Partly because I'm scared of them and partly because they tend to lose their will to live and just wilt away in my care. I've been asked many times "what is the deal with you and plants?" Let me clear it up once and for all.

Most green leafy plants bigger than these egglings scare me. Flowers that look like they can eat you, like a sunflower or an orchid, scare me. Long vines that snake around buildings and large inanimate objects scare me. As do overgrown houseplants that overwhelm a corner of the room or loom over your chair or desk.

This is not something that overtakes my life or prevents me from carrying on my day. I can usually avoid scary plants subtlely, like choosing to sit in spots not adjacent to a plant or walking around them. Or if I don't think about it too much, I can sometimes ignore them.

The fear began slowly ages ago. It might have been too many sci-fi/fantasy movies or cartoons with man eating plants that did it, but I truly thought they existed for a long time. (No, I haven't seen Little Shop of Horrors, and no, I don't ever plan on watching it.) It didn't help that when I asked my dad to confirm their existence, he replied "Possibly in the jungles or somewhere remote like Mongolia." Note to parents or future parents - don't be like the dad in Calvin and Hobbes and make up crap if you don't know the answer or have a gullible kid that will be easily traumatized.

Then in junior high, on one slow afternoon of waiting for my mom to pick me up from the library after school, I wandered into the sci-fi section. I literally had read everything in the teen section of the local library already, and needed something new to past the time. Unfortunately, I picked up some horror story on plants taking over the world, where each person's human veins became green vinelike veins and they ALL TURNED INTO PLANTS. Nightmares ensued. Wariness of plants increased tenfold.

The thought that these inanimate objects without eyes, ears, nose, or mouth, are technically alive - living, breathing organisms not at a microscopic level - freaks me out. I know things can mutate. I've watched way too many movies and read enough to know.

I lucked out at work with my deskmate. She wanted to bring in oodles of office plants. I explained my fear. Without judgment, she agreed to leave her side of the table plantless. In return, she asked me to refrain from decorating my desk space with any dolls, toy figurines or large stuffed animals (like 90% of the other artists at work) She's terrified of them. We had a deal.