I'm trying to figure out when it's right to take the high road - be tactfully silent, refrain from confrontation and not stoop to anyone's imbecilic levels for a conflict, and when to speak up and make my feelings heard, even if it may cause awkwardness, tension, or worse yet, make me disliked.
For each situation I encounter, I like to ask "What would Audrey Hepburn or Jackie O do?" Not only were they remembered for their effortless style, they are held up as the epitome of grace and poise. All my life, I've longed to be graceful and poised. But then I realize neither of these two women enjoyed simple happy lives. Both suffered difficult marriages and experienced much grief, and neither struck me as particularly joyful women.
So I wonder, is it worth it to tell someone they're being an inconsiderate, bad friend? Or let people know they're being rude or out of line? I'm not talking about the one incident here or there. It's the continuous pattern of bad behavior. At this age, would it make a difference to let them know if they didn't realize already? Or do I write them off and spare myself the frustration and heartache?
It seems the mature thing to do is avoid confrontation, delicately extricate yourself from the situation, and behave as well as you can, without compromising your integrity. But at what point does taking the high road blur into being a doormat and conveying to others that you condone bad behavior and being treated like crap?
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i keep trying to find a concise way to respond. okay, third try... there are two things i want to convey. first, saying something might only make it worse. it might get more awkward (like you might feel awkward, too, now) or you will find that that other person could care less how their actions/words make you feel (which will just make you feel worse, if that is possible). also, in the days of audrey & jackie, it was probably frowned upon to assert yourself in that way. i think it is a modern convention that "sticking up for yourself" & "speaking up" is so championed. back then, it was all about keeping the peace & not causing scandal, divorce or conflict. so, no, i don't have the answers either.
Wow, this is a common theme lately in quite a few people's lives, it seems.
The best advice I've received on this specific topic is this: The "right" thing to do is, of course, lay it all out. The "wise" thing to do is fade/avoid confrontation.
How can anything change though if the other person doesn't know where you stand? I think things will just continue to cycle in the same ways unless there is a catalyst.
At the same time, is a confrontation really worth the effort? Do you REALLY want to have your feelings heard? What if nothing comes from it? Good or bad. There are a lot of unknowns. You just have to follow your heart I guess.
I don't know that the confrontation in my situation has changed anything yet, but at least now my long-term friend knows how she's affected me. My silence was grossly misunderstood and misinterpreted.
for me, it depends on my relationship with the person. if they're close to my heart, i call them on their shit. if not, i let them be clueless ... i think of less as heartache and more as entertainment.
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