Work Schmork

A day full of long meetings, disgruntled supervisors, picky clients, and questions on "what went wrong, why is the project behind schedule, and why are you guys doing things THAT way?" Well, let's see, because you expect us to build a schedule and a team with only half the resources we need, other projects that are delivering earlier keep robbing people from our team since those fires need to be put out first, and the way you pose such questions automatically puts artists on the defensive.

Though I do prefer the directness of working with men, sometimes it's all a bit harsh. There's being too obviously slick, like my boss, who tries to play both sides and always spinning things positively even if the building were on fire. Then there's the big kahuna of the company, who prides himself on peppering his sentences with expletives, strutting around barefoot in t-shirts and shorts, playing the alpha male to all his testosterone filled employees. It's the ultimate boys club.

Surprisingly, I didn't feel like reacting at our meetings. I didn't feel defensive, nor did I feel my temperature rising. I believe I even spoke in a very even-keeled, quiet but confident voice explaining the situation and answering all the questions, coming to my team's defense without being defensive. I've learned.

It's not like I was caught off guard. I had been expecting this conversation for months. Neither the supervisors nor I were surprised. We even predicted it months ago. My boss shouldn't have been surprised, he just stayed neutral and echoed all the sentiments of the big kahuna in a more... positive way.

Sometimes, I think I've lost the ability to react or just lose it. My mom and my jobs have beat it out of me. I don't lose my temper anymore, I seethe slowly underneath. I don't break down if I'm sad and hear bad news, I store it away and then crack at a more private time usually about 2 days later. People at work call me a "calming presence." I think I've managed to build a thicker wall of defense.